You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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