found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
