Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
