I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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