is your mom at the bar?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
