I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
