So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sober January is a disaster.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
