i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
