I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
