So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
