i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize