its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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