no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
