Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize