Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
