there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
