A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
