like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's blow job season.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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