Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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