Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
