True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
