Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
