i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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