im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
