I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
