There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize