He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
