everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
