I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
