I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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