In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
