I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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