I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
