Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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