this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
