Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
