Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
