Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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