My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a search helicopter?!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
