Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wrigley field is MILF paradise
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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