Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
