well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Drake has all the answers
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize