i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
