If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
