Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
