got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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