When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
