she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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