My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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