I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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