i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
