I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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