Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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