does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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