Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i drank out of a bidet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
