Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
