My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
