No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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