Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
