there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
