omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
