I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
