from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ugly people sure do ruin things
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
this is an emotional support booty call
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
