so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
