Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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