Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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